Tuesday, October 23

Not often do we get to step into someone else's life.  Visiting usually means a disruption of regular routines and putting on special meals, going places one would not normally go.  How the other person really lives, is lost in a flurry of trying to impress, or trying to show them everything there is to see or do in your area.  It is an artificial situation for both the host and the guest.  Now, some people go visiting for that purpose, to be entertained or catered to.  I have always felt very uncomfortable in that kind of a situation.  In university, I could not go to visit my best friend's family because I felt it was too much of an imposition.  As a young adult and then parent, I enjoyed entertaining, but it was the totally artificial situation I described.  I was not content in it, because, honestly, I felt no one went out of their way for me like that.  I thought that was the mark of true friendship.

How wrong I was!

In the fall of 1986, I agreed to canvass in my neighbourhood for some foundation -- I think it was liver.  It involved knocking on doors on my street and asking for monetary support.  I detest asking other people for money, but felt it was a civic duty.  I did not know all the people on the street, especially the ones at the other end who had moved in more recently.  But the knock on one door changed me.  The lady who answered it had recently moved from England with her husband and two boys, one of whom was in the same school as my son.  I don't know why we clicked, but we did.  Soon we were shopping together, walking together, talking on the phone (my kids always said they knew who it was when I was on the phone for more than a few minutes as I normally hated long discussions and ended calls as quickly as possible).  She took care of my house when we were away and I took care of hers.  We ended up buying vacation condos in the same complex in Collingwood.  They took my daughter to concerts, I helped her son with cooking.  She moved away in 1996 and I was sure that our friendship would be over, but no.  I visited her several times in England and then in France when she moved there.  The most remarkable thing is that we pick up as though no time has passed since we were last together.  We both have grandchildren and compare notes and insights.  We both had aging mothers, mine has just passed away this summer, hers just celebrated her 90th birthday. 

We are now both gray and we laugh about that.  We have to remind each other to start relaxing and we laugh about that.  We compare concerns for our kids and how to love them but not smother them,  and we laugh about that.  We look at each other's grandchildren pictures and the funny things they do and say, and we laugh about that.  As you can tell, we laugh a lot!  There is no pressure to change oneself, each is accepted as they are and valued as that individual.  Friendship is a wonderful thing and I am truly blessed to have Rhonda as my friend.